Masturbation, or the art of self pleasure, has been around since the dawn of time. It has been depicted in prehistoric cave paintings and referenced in ancient Greek writings. It has even been observed in other animal species. Masturbation often starts in childhood, before we are even introduced to sexual pleasure. When it comes down to it, masturbation is as normal as any other human behavior, and always has been.
Yet it is something we hardly ever even think to talk about. Even medical professionals and health educators have left self pleasure out of the conversation (although that is slowly starting to change).
Well, it’s really not surprising that we feel shame around sexual acts like masturbation. Many religions and cultures condemn any form of sexual self pleasure. People have been publicly humiliated, punished, or told they’re going to hell when caught masturbating, even in the privacy of their own home. In fact, until 1968 masturbation was classified as a form of insanity in the American Classification of mental disorders.
Feel them benefits!
It’s very sad that we have attached so much shame and negativity around masturbation because it's actually really great for you and there are tons of health benefits.
Some of those include:
Pain relief, especially for menstrual cramps
Helping you get a better nights sleep
Helping in treatment of sexual dysfunctions
Strength pelvic muscles (kegels!)
Lowers risk of prostate cancer in men
Masturbation can also be used as a form of healing from sexual trauma or emotional issues. Or simply just as a tool in improving one’s self-love and body-image. As well as being the perfect way to get to know your body and what makes it feel good and what doesn’t. This will not only help you to orgasm better solo but also help you communicate to your partner or partners how they can help give you pleasure.
And despite what some people believe, evidence shows that masturbating, either together or alone, can lead to a stronger and more intimate relationship for couples. Allowing time and space for your partner to love themselves has a funny way of making them better lovers as a whole.
If you’re concerned with safety and reducing risks, then look no further! Because there is zero risk of contracting an STI or getting pregnant through masturbation. Another reason solo play has a leg up on partner sex is there is little to no pressure to “perform” or put on a show. We often forget how easily anxiety can get in the way of orgasm, so removing as much of it as possible will help you reach that O quicker and can make the experience more intense.
So where do I Start?
Whether you're just looking to get off more or want to form a deeper connection with your body, adding more time to your routine for self pleasure is never a bad thing. If it’s something newer, start slow. Set aside 30-60 minutes, once or twice a week, where you can be alone with yourself. I know that may be tricky if you live with others, but you can get creative! If it’s a romantic partner and you feel comfortable telling them why you need some alone time, perfect! If you live with someone you’d rather not discuss it with (totally reasonable), try working around their work schedule or hop in the shower or lock the door with some music playing and go nuts! And If you feel like really making the most out of it, light some candles, put on some sexy music, find the comfiest spot in your home! Whatever helps you feel most relaxed and turned on!
Toys can definitely be included (as I highly recommend) but totally not needed. I would actually suggest starting out with just your hands, even if it is difficult to orgasm that way. Just to get used to how your body feels in different places. If you’re interested in adding toys into the mix, you can check out my Sex Toy post on how to buy, clean and use them!
Doing it with a partner
If you’re interested in adding mutual masturbation to your partnered sex, you can start by either sitting up face to face or sitting/laying next to each other. Allow each person to pleasure themselves however they feel. Start with slower, easier to follow movements. This will make it easier for your partner to see and remember how you pleasure yourself as well as help you relax and stay in the moment. Make sounds! Encourage each other to keep going! Tell them how good they look doing it! Remember that even though you are pleasuring yourselves separately, it’s still a team sport. Mutual masturbation is typically more vulnerable than other forms of sex so being vocal and communicating is important!
This can be an awesome precursor into other sexual activity or just stop there and embrace the joy of watching your partner feel pleasure.
Masturbation is good and you should probably being doing more of it!
Finding pleasure in our bodies is a normal, healthy part of being human. And no matter your gender, race, sexual identity, ability, or whatever! YOU deserver to feel pleasure and love yourself.
Happy Cumming Everyone ;)